There is beauty in diversity and Kenya is very blessed in matters diversity; be it cultural, religious or even political. However, in that diversity, you find some very peculiar characters with an ego the size of an elephant. Below is a list of some of the extremely egotistical Kenyans you will bump into.
The guy on a diet
These fellows think they have conquered mortality and for some weird reason, believe that the rest of us still taking sugar or red meat must be befallen by some serious disease to justify their choice of diet. Every slight chance they get, they must remind you how dangerously you are risking your life by not being on diet like them. Boss, it doesn't work like that. Whereas diet discipline is good for your health, you could still do it without threatening us.
The Mama Brian with a small vegetable garden at the backyard
Every time you pass by her place and she serves you some food, you must be slapped with, "Imagine hio tumepada hapa kwagu tu. Sisi hatununuagi boga." Yes, good for you nyina wa Brian. But what am I supposed to do with this information? Is there a special way I should hold the plate because the managu inside comes from your kitchen garden?
Some random guy with a cop's phone number
Many Kenyans think they have a leeway to comit an offense because they have a cop friend. You could see a guy driving as if they own the whole highway just because his second cousin is dating a police constable posted at Kanyonyo border police patrol base. Bro, bring down your ego. We have people who dine with the service commanders of this country, and they still obey the law.
The company's gate man
If you ever go to a company looking for any favor, and you manage to go past the gate; just know that you have passed 60% of the test. These friends of ours at the gate (mostly from the land of Mulembe) can really frustrate you. Can you imagine going to seek a job at some corporate and the gateman wants to go through "your papers" before allowing you to pass? So, this guy has literally assumed the role of an HR? Jamaneni!
People who know people who know people in government
This lot pretends that they are only suffering by choice. If they wanted a job in any ministry, it would be as easy as the snapping of a finger. Worst of it, if it's a student. They make the rest of you feel like you should just quit your studies and let "the connected ones" study. After all unasoma utoe wapi job.
Iphone users
Provided that one’s phone made is by apple, they feel like they breathe flavoured oxygen. Mind you, some iphone batteries can go from 100% charge to 0% in 7 minutes. So, why the big headedness?
The new entrant at the gym
It's good you've finally decided to find your body a shape. However, you can still do your exercise without flooding your social media with photos at the gym and quotes that do not marry with the photos. How is the caption "Always street smart" connected to that photo of you doing push ups at the gym? Alafu, someone needs to make me understand, why do people turn to motivational speakers once they start going to the gym?
People with family lawyers
These people just complicate simple issues for no apparent reason. You could just step on their toes on the street and they want to call their lawyer. Secondly, whenever they find themself in any small fracas, they hit you with statements like, "Do you know I can sue you? Do you know who I am? Relax boss, others have more than 200 lawyers at their service in case a police car passes near their Karen home and they still remain humble. So, who are you?